It was Diwali’17 and I just couldn’t get myself to smile because no matter what I did, I didn’t look or feel good enough. My hair looked messy despite all my efforts at straightening them. My complexion wasn’t fair enough. My cheeks were chubby. My skin wasn’t clear.
I tried really hard to get one decent picture for Instagram. I failed. There wasn’t a single picture worth posting.
The fact that the ones I looked up to were able to look so effortlessly flawless brought tears to my eyes.
It was Diwali’18 and I couldn’t stop smiling because I looked and felt great. My hair had been permanently straightened since the last few months. My complexion was decent. My cheeks weren’t chubby. My skin was clear because of the expensive concealers I’d started using.
I had not one, but, many pictures that were worth posting.
The fact that people looked up to me for the way I dressed up gave me a sense of pride.
But, I was still sad deep within because of a sense of worthlessness which hadn’t existed the previous year.
I could look better, but, looks weren’t enough to fill the vacuum that existed because of lack of validation.